“This is not my dad!”

Ok where do I begin? I have sooo many crazy, silly, funny motherhood survival of the fittest mother stories to tell.
We like to say it is a Rob Riener movie in our house most everyday-and it really is! Our three children are now just about all grown up and I have made it with most of my marbles –I think? On second thought how would I know? Anyhow, my now 24 year old daughter has been telling me that we should have a TV show about the funny family life we have had. Here is just one of those experiences.
Our Daughter, our first born and only girl was an amazingly smart girl she could speak very well by age two. I thought I was doing myself a favor by trying to give her a head start in life with flash cards, tapes and books about everything you can imagine starting from infancy. Including safety (we’ll get back to that topic later). You know the type of kid they ask why, what and where for everything. Well one day my efforts to be the best mom ever back fired big time! Now I know this may seem like a long one but bear with me it gets good at the end!
One day I needed to go to the fabric store. Gosh I love the fabric store-unless I had to take our two year old daughter. I just needed to get a couple of things really fast. At least that is what I told my husband. We decided that it would be best and so much faster if he stayed outside of the store in side the mall and I would run in real quick. Ok I didn’t exactly run. It was so wonderful to take my time and enjoy my little bit of time to myself.
But then not too long after I was in the store I got this sick feeling in my gut like “oh no I had better hurry” kind of instinctual feeling. So I quickly got in line, the long, long, freakin really long line. I thought to myself gut check- is this a “man I better get out of here life or death something is wrong feeling?”-Hhmm-“No”. Thank goodness for that I thought, just relax mom it isn’t that bad. Oh god yes it was! And I had no idea what was waiting for me when I got out of the store in the mall.
As I got more restless and the line was moving slowly but surely something caught my attention outside of the store. Hey something was goin on in the mall! There were a lot of people gathered around and I thought I saw a security guard run by! I thought “thank goodness I’m about to pay for my things and get out of here!” Just when I did I worried about what could be going on out there where my husband and little girl were waiting for mommy. Then suddenly as I left I realized the commotion was because of my husband and daughter!
An elderly woman was hitting my husband with her purse and a security guard was looking very sternly at my husband with one hand on my husbands arm. With great relief in his voice my husband cried out “there is my wife now!” “Honey please tell this security guard” and as he looked scowely at the elderly lady “and this lady that this is my daughter!” There was quite a crowd around and our daughter was very upset. I said “Of course she is your daughter and I’m her mother what is going on?” Well our daughter was so distraught that I didn’t take her in the fabric store with me (and my husband wasn’t about to give in to her either) that she did something very naughty but also very smart for her age. She was taught very well after all. She was shouting what she had learned from the safety kid tapes and books “Help! Help! This is not my dad this is not my dad!” Over and over again struggling with her father she kept shouting this! I was so embarrassed! The elderly lady’s expression changed from unsure and stern to a snicker and great relief! The security guard and all of the folks that had gathered around thought that it was pretty funny too. My poor husband was exhausted, but very happy to have that experience over with! As you can imagine our shopping day at the mall was over! Of course we did explain to our daughter how important it was that she only do this if someone really is taking her away. And as I often do-
I think to myself ”So this is my life!”

The photo is from a friends wedding we were both in and she was the same age( 2 ). Our daughter was one of the flower girls-the lil stinker got scared when the photographer started snapping pictures as she walked down the isle just ahead of the bride(one of my best friends). So what does she do? She screams throws her flower basket up in the air and runs out of the chapel!!! And I mean outside outside-my husband had to run after her to catch her!

Of course I thought to myself why on earth would this day be any different-what made me think we could actually have a uneventful day? Oh well that friend ended up divorced some years later-maybe it was a sign?